Cynthia’s Notes

Last time I talked about how much we are worth, and finished by saying:

Here are the four steps we need to take in order to internalize truth - not just the truth of our value according to God, but any truth:

How much do you think you are worth? Do you see yourself as being valuable and precious, or do you believe that you are worthless?
 
Nearly everything in this world has a value. But have you ever noticed that what something is worth depends on who is setting the price? If I decide to sell something, I set it’s price. However, if I was selling a property, and got a Real Estate agent to give me an appraisal, they might tell me the property was worth more or less than I thought. I could then get a Registered Valuer in, and they might give me a very different price again. You see, the value depends on who is setting the price. In the end though, something like real estate is worth what someone is prepared to pay for it!
 
If you open your wallet and find some cash in it, who decided how much that piece of paper is worth? The Reserve Bank did. The piece of paper that the note is printed on is actually worth very little. But the Reserve Bank determines that this piece of paper will be worth $10 and this one will be worth $20 and so on. Now, imagine I was sitting across the table from you, and took out of my wallet a crisp, new, $20 bill. I extend my hand and say “Here, this is for you, if you want it.” Would you want it? Of course you would! What if you were walking down a deserted street, and came across $20 lying on the ground. Would you pick it up? Even if it was a bit dirty? Yep, I’m sure you would! But how about if someone walked past before you could reach for it, and without noticing, stepped on the bill with their big old boots. Would you still pick it up? How about if it was crumpled and wrinkled? Torn and dirty? I’m sure in all these situations, you would pick up or take the money. Why? Because you recognise that, regardless of it’s appearance or condition, the bill is still worth $20, the price set for it by the Reserve Bank.
 
So, how much are YOU worth? Again, that depends on who is setting the price! The world sends all kinds of messages about worth. Advertising tells you you’re only “good enough” if you have this, wear that, do the other. Parents, spouses and friends may all tell us how much we’re worth - in their eyes. You can go to websites online that will “calculate your value” in dollars and cents. One website I visited asks a whole string of questions about age, sex, height, weight, colouring, income, IQ etc etc, and then calculates what you are worth. The result I got was $1,500,000.
 
Or, what if a scientist puts a value on you? One article, on a University of Indiana website, states “How much is a human body worth? When broken down into fluids, tissues and germ fighting our bodies are worth more than $45 million.” The article goes on to detail how they came to that figure.
 
However, if you break the body down into it’s mineral components etc:  “When we total the monetary value of the elements in our bodies and the value of the average person’s skin, we arrive at a net worth of $4.50!” $3.50 of that is the value of our skin.
 
If you ask an economist what you are worth, he will set about adding up your assets, savings and debts, and come up with your “net worth”. Mine would be about $70,000.
 
Hmmmm………..there are some widely differing figures! So what am I worth? $45 million? $1.5 million? $70,000? or only $4.50?? Who do we believe?
 
To determine how much you are REALLY worth, we need to turn to the source of all truth, and the one who made us - God, and see what he has to say about it.
 
Turn with me to Genesis 1. Read through the chapter on your own, then look especially at verses 26, 27 and 31:
“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them……………..God saw all that he had made, and it was very good….”
 
Throughout Genesis 1, we see God creating the various parts of our world. At the end of each day he looks at what he has made and says it is good. But at the end of the 6th day, when God has made MAN, he looks at what he has made and says that it is VERY good. In addition, God does not just make man to be another creature that lives upon the earth! He makes man to rule over all of the rest of the earth! Right from the beginning, God chose man and put him in charge, entrusting the rest of creation to the dominion of man. The owner of a company does not chose a C.E.O and put him in charge unless he sees that the person is worthy of that position. God looks at us, and sees someone who has value and worth, who is “very good” and worthy enough to be put in charge of a part of His creation - our own little corner of the world.
 
John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” Can you think of anyone on this earth for whom you would willingly give up the life of your child? I can’t imagine doing that, can you? But God looks at us, and sees someone sooooo precious and valuable that he stepped down from heaven, took on the form of a human body with all it’s limitations, and then willingly died a painful, humiliating death on the cross so that WE could live! He did that for YOU!
 
Romans 5:8 says “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” That means that even though we were spotted and wrinkled, dirty and torn, still God placed a high value on us, and for us Christ died. Just like that $20 bill that was stepped on and dirty, but still worth $20, God says that even if we have made mistakes, or have messed our lives up completely, that makes NO DIFFERENCE to our value in his eyes!! He still wants to pick us up, and hold us close. More than that, he makes us his children, and co-heirs with Christ to all that he has! [Our real “net worth” is the combined value of ALL that God has created (including gold, diamonds, planets, stars…..EVERYTHING!) and all that he is!]
 
Often, the more of something there is, the less it is worth. For example, if there are a lot of a particular gem available, then it’s value is less than if it is rare. We share this planet with some 6.6 billion other people. That’s a lot of people! Does the fact that there are so many of us make each one less valuable? Not in God’s eyes! God created each and everyone of us unique and different. There is not one single other human being ever created who is exactly the same as you! God looks at each of individually and says we are incredibly valuable. He hand made us just how he wanted us. As he looks upon you, individually, he cannot see anyone more precious than YOU!
 
YOU ARE INCREDIBLY VALUABLE! You have great worth!
 
So, why do some of us look at ourselves and see ourselves as worthless? Are we calling God a liar? Most of us know the truth in our heads that God says we are valuable, and that he cannot lie. But there is a difference between knowing the truth in our heads (recognition) and KNOWING it in our hearts (experiencing it). In my next post, I’m going to outline 4 steps we need to take to internalise the truth of our real worth.
 
Meanwhile, don’t let the enemy tear you down or whisper that you are useless, worthless or rubbish! You are not! You are precious, valuable, loved, hand-made, and worth enough to die for!
 

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been reading through some of Charlotte Mason’s Original Homeschooling Series. Miss Mason has a lot to say about habit, and I’ve had several “ahh-hah!” moments! I realised as I read that what was being explained can be applied not only to teaching our children, but also to tranforming ourselves! If we could only understand and absorb this information, then apply it to our own lives, we would have won 90% of the battle in saying goodbye to chaos and hello to peace!!
 
From Volume 1, Part III, pg 97:
” Habit the Instrument by which Parents Work.–– ‘Habit is TEN natures!’ If I could but make others see with my eyes how much this saying should mean to the educator! How habit, in the hands of the mother, is as his wheel to the potter, his knife to the carver––the instrument by means of which she turns out the design she has already conceived in her brain. Observe, the material is there to begin with; his wheel will not enable the potter to produce a porcelain cup out of coarse clay; but the instrument is as necessary as the material or the design”
 
In this analogy, the child is like the clay, a substance that is already made of certain elements, has it’s own basic structure and “personality”, but may be molded and shaped in the hands of the potter. The wheel is essential - without it the potter can still mold the clay to a certain extent, but without the smoothness or quality in the finished product. The wheel is a tool which enables the potter to easily transform the clay, providing the surface and structure on which to work. Likewise, good habits provides the structure and surface on which we can carry out the great work of bringing up our children in the way they should go. In our own lives too, if we want to succeed, then understanding and using the power of habit is vital!
 
Often we get to a point in our lives where we resolve that we want to change; want things to be different. We determine to “get organised”, or lose weight, or start exercising, or whatever it is that we feel needs to be “fixed”. There is a warm glow of goodness or righteous determination in our hearts. And yet, sooner or later, we fail, and things go back to just how they were. We try different methods, programs, checklists. We join groups for accountibility, or sign up with a friend for mutual encouragement. All of these efforts have value, but on their own none will last! We seem incapable of maintaining steady efforts, of making ourselves do what we know we ought.
 
All mankind - men, women and children, from every race and nation, possess what is known as “human nature”. That is, we are all born with the same primary desires, affections and passions, and also conscience (or a sense of duty). We also all have hereditary - attributes, abilities and tendencies that have been passed down the family line. Add to that our physical conditions - whether weak or strong, well or sick. All together, these elements make up the nature of a person, and that nature is very strong.
 
It can be easy to think that there is little that can be done in the face of a person’s nature - that “this way” is just how a person IS. But that is not so. Just as we must not leave our child to follow his own nature, we also do not need to, in fact MUST NOT, abandon ourselves to our natural desires and inclinations!
 
Habit! Habit is the tool and lever to lift us above our human nature and set us in the right way. If nature is strong, then habit is ten times as strong! (This is what Charlotte Mason means by “Habit is ten natures.”) Let us consider for a moment what habit IS and what habit DOES.
 
According to Webster’s 1828 dictionary, habit is:
“A disposition or condition of the mind or body acquired by custom or a frequent repetition of the same act.”
We are all a bundle of habits. We form habits all the time, whether consciously or unconsciously. And once they are formed, we follow them relentlessly. We think as we are accustomed to think, act as we are accustomed to act. Some 90-99% of everything we think and do is governed by our habits!!
 
Consider this information on how the brain works: The brain contains billions of nerve cells, which are connected by synapses. These synapses are the pathways along which signals are transmitted between cells. Every time you say something, make a decision, or take an action, certain synapses are activated. Billions of synapses, working together, bring about a thought then action.
 
Certain synapses are stronger than others, and some thoughts or actions require more synapses than others. Each time you make a decision, new synapses are formed and old ones are reinforced. The next time you make the same decision, it will come more naturally, because the brain is prepared for it. The brain had a tendency to utilize existing, strong connections rather than build new ones. But new connections can be formed!
 
Using Charlotte Mason’s preferred analogy, habit is like the rails along which our “train” (lives) run smoothly. When we lay down new habits, we build new rails, quite literally. The habits that we have are strong pathways in our brains, along which the electrical signals that produce our thoughts and actions easily run. The more we repeat those thoughts and actions, the stronger the pathways, the more natural the connections. It’s like we’re creating a rut in our brains that our wheels tend to always run along.
 
Now, remember that we have been forming habits all of our lives! We didn’t just arrive at where we are now. Our parents shaped habits in us, just as we are doing in our children, either by consious design, or unconsciously. The things we have experienced, the ways we have reacted, all have caused the formation of certain habits of thought or action. We are a bundle of habits!! Truly, most of what we do is governed by habit! If you stop and think about the details of your life, the times and order in which you do things, the way you say or do things, the decisions you make, you will see that nearly all of it is habit. And that’s a good thing - it’s much easier to do things by habit than to be constantly faced with new decisions about every detail!
 
But, what if the habits we have are not good ones? How do we overcome that? There is really only one way:
To overcome a bad habit, replace it with a good one! Once established, the new, good habit will simply over-ride the old, bad one. For this to work, the new and old habits must be mutually-exclusive. Ie, you can’t keep doing the old thing, because now you are doing this new thing which replaces it. In other words, if you have habitually got up late, you can over-ride that with a new habit of getting up on time.
 
It is true that forming a new habit is hard work! It takes purpose, determination, and guarding against allowing yourself to slip back. But the pay-off is huge!! For the cost of 3-4 weeks of diligent effort, followed by the less strenuous but just as important act of ongoing survelliance against falling back into old habits, you will reap the benefit of the new habits, which if maintained will serve you for a lifetime! These new habits can enable you to place your life on smooth paths, keeping daily life flowing with minimal resistance or fuss! Well established habits require minimal effort to maintain - they just flow.
 
Think about it - if you had, say, 20 good habits established in your life, how much more peaceful and easy would your daily life be? Here is a list of some good habits - imagine they were in place in your life:

• Always getting up early
• Having an effective time of daily devotions
• Always being dressed and ready to face the world by a certain time
• Knowing what meals you have planned, and having all the ingredients to hand
• Always speaking gently and graciously
• Always picking up after yourself, and putting things away in their proper place as soon as you have finished with them
• The habit of effectively using a calendar - writing up and checking for appointments and deadlines
• Habitually keeping a running balance on your bank account
• Setting aside regular time to plan the coming week
• Leaving your kitchen clean every night
• Doing laundry every day, and always having it under control
• Using a timer and never going over you alloted computer time
• Picking up and vacuuming the living areas daily
• Making your bed first thing every morning
• Taking 2 mins to clean the bathroom each morning
• Making yourself presentable just before your husband comes home
• Regularly taking care of paperwork once each week
• Don’t put it down - put it away!
• Drinking 2 glasses of water first thing in the morning and half an hour before every meal
• Dealing with mail and papers the minute they come in the house.
• Checking library books for those that need returning/renewing BEFORE they are overdue
• Going to bed at a decent hour every night.

These are just a selection off the top of my head. But do you see how nearly every thing which you need to do regularly in your life is governed by habit? Either by bad habits or good ones. And you can choose!! You can choose to drift along just how things are, or to take positive action and change your habits!! But remember, forming a new habit, especially one contrary to an old habit, takes effort. For this reason, it is highly recommended that you only concentrate on forming one, or at most two, new habits at any given time. As you work on a habit, you will be first forming, then strengthening, new pathways in your brain. The more you use them, the stronger they will get, until it becomes natural for the brain to run signals along those pathways. A habit has been formed!
 
When you have a series of good habits in place, your life will be so much easier; you will no longer have to consiously think about every detail, but be able to free your mind to think about things of much greater importance. Most of your life will run smoothly on the rails of habit. And THAT is the power of habit!
 
For more reading, I recommend “Habit is ten natures” - Part III of Volume 1 “Home Education” by Charlotte Mason. You can read this online here: http://amblesideonline.org/CM/1_3.html.

Just a short time after I wrote the last post, “When Life Happens”, back in August ‘07 (though I’m just getting around to loading it on here), life really DID happen to us! We were involved in a horrific motor vehicle accident. The fact that we all survived with only minor injuries is nothing but a miracle. You can read all about it HERE. If you are on a slow connection, please be patient while the page loads - it has lots of photos of the vehicles involved.

Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Have you experienced times in your life when “stuff” keeps happening, and prevents you from doing what you think you’re really supposed to be doing? You know; the kids get sick, one after the other, the dishwasher breaks down and floods the floor and causing you to waste half an hour cleaning up the mess, the dog breaks it’s leg and your husband needs you to drop everything and help him with something. Sound familiar? Times like that can get us really frustrated and uptight, or…………..
 
We can learn to recognise that these kinds of things are a part of life, and relax enough to go with the flow. On those days when “life happens” and your to-do lists go out the window, just remember that Jesus had to deal with constant interruptions too. BUT, those interruptions were actually opportunities for him to minister to people, and to teach his disciples by example how to live as a Christian! Interruptions were the most important part of his ministry on earth! In the same way, when things go wrong, you can look at the situation and see the opportunities rather than only the difficulties. You have the opportunity to show your children how to cope with adversity without losing it. And if you DID lose it already, you have the opportunity to demonstrate repentance and asking for forgiveness. You may have the opportunity to touch the lives of people you would never have come in contact with if this situation hadn’t come up - repair people, medical staff, the unexpected visitor and so on. It is very often the case that our children learn MORE through one real life drama than they do through hours of school work!
“Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.” James 4:13-16

Note that this does not say PLANNING is evil, rather the arrogant attitude that this is what we WILL do, regardless. I believe it is vital to plan and to make to-do lists. But after we’ve made them, we need to surrender them to God and allow him to lead us through our actual days. Some days, we will be able to follow our plans and get our to-do’s ticked off, and some days won’t be that smooth. But every day is still in the hands of God!

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21
 
When you place your life completely in God’s hands, you can rest KNOWING that he is completely in control. Relax and trust him - that takes off a huge burden!
 
If you don’t get things done today, there will be another day if it really is important. Don’t stress, don’t strain and strive. Just trust and obey!
 
I’ve had a few weeks myself when “life has happened”! We’ve been very busy with a series of vistors staying, which has been wonderful, but just when I thought things were about to get back to normal, my 10 yo daughter fell and broke her right arm above the elbow. I spent all of last Saturday at the hospital with her, and since then have needed to spend a lot of time comforting and helping her, as she is in a lot of pain, and unable to do many things for herself, though she is coping very well considering. This is her 8th fracture, so we’ve had plenty of practice. Even so, it does tend to throw a spanner in the works! It was my plan to have Unit 3 finished and released this week, but this has not been possible. I hate not meeting deadlines, but I know that I have a choice: get stressed, stay up all night finishing it and then be tired and grumpy with my family during the day, or relax, trust God, work on it as I am able, and know that it WILL get done in God’s time!
 
So, my friend, if this has been “one of those days” (or weeks!), don’t beat yourself up for not being able to get everything done that you planned on - instead focus on giving your best to each and every situation that arises as God leads you, and leave every other concern in his capable hands!

Love

Cynthia

The Bible has a lot to say about debt, finances and how we should treat and handle money. One thing it does NOT say is that debt is a sin. No where are we specifically told not to borrow. However, borrowing is always talked about in a negative way, as something we should avoid. It is a Biblical PRINCIPLE that we should not borrow, rather than a RULE. Let’s look at some key things the Bible DOES say about borrowing:

All borrowing must be repaid. Psalm 37:21a says “The wicked borrow and do not repay.” The implication, of course, is that we must repay anything we borrow, or we are “wicked”.

Surety is foolish. There are many references to surety in the book of Proverbs, and yet it seems to be a little taught or understood principle. Surety means to deposit a pledge in either money, goods, or part payment for a greater obligation. It means to take on an obligation to pay later without a guaranteed way to repay. “A man lacking in sense pledges, and becomes surety in the presence of his neighbor.” Proverbs 17:18 When you take on a debt of any kind, except where the item pledged for security (eg your house) will be accepted for full payment of the debt no matter what the circumstances, then you have a situation of surety. In other words, the only time you should ever consider borrowing money, is when you can get the lender to agree to a contract that says that if you are no longer able to meet the payments on the loan, then they can take possession of the item put up as security, and it will be accepted as full payment of the debt; they will not be able to claim or sue you for any additional money, even if the value of the item is less than the balance of the debt. In that circumstance, you have a guaranteed way to repay the loan; in all others you presume upon the future. If you ignore the Bible’s teaching against surety, then you are putting yourself in a precarious financial position - if things don’t work out quite as you had hoped, you may find yourself unable to make ends meet, and you could lose everything. At the very least, you will be under a lot of stress and pressure that could have been avoided by not borrowing.

Debt always presumes upon the future. James 4:13-16 says “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.”

If you borrow money, and you believe all borrowed money must be repaid, then when you take out a loan you are presuming upon the future, unless you have a guaranteed way to repay as described above. “Presuming upon the future” means that you are taking on a debt under the assumption that your income and situation in the future will be such that you will be able to continue making payments. But you don’t know that.

Borrowing may deny God an opportunity. God wants to build up our faith. The Bible tells us that God will supply all our needs. When we borrow to buy something, we may be denying God an opportunity to meet our needs, or to show himself faithful, which would increase our faith. It is also easy to confuse our needs with our desires, or wants. If you are committed to following Biblical principles and not borrowing any more money, you can be sure that God will meet you needs, most likely in ways you would never dream of! In Unit 2, Lesson 32, I shared about some of the ways God met our needs when we committed ourselves to getting out of debt and doing things his way. How has he met YOUR needs in the past? Remembering past times when God has provided, will build your faith and help you to stick to your decisions to do things his way. If you haven’t experienced God’s provision, maybe you haven’t given him an opportunity yet!

We all face an uncertain economic future! There is no real job security anymore. Businesses close or downsize every day, and jobs are lost. Accidents happen, preventing people working. National borrowing is out of control; sooner or later economies may collapse.

There is nothing we can do to prevent these kinds of things, but there ARE some things we can do to prepare ourselves, no matter what the future holds.

Your best preparation for an uncertain economic future is to get out of debt!

Excerpted from Unit 3 of Goodbye Chaos, Hello Peace! in which I will show you how to budget, how to get out debt, and help you get your paperwork and office under control.

Do you ever have days when you wonder what on EARTH you are doing? When you ask yourself WHY you are the wife of this man, the mother of this family, the owner of this business, working for this company, running this ministry, homeschooling these kids,  living this life on this earth?? Are you sometimes weary and frustrated - does it all seem too much, too hard, too impossible?
 
Oh, dear one, we ALL feel that way at times! But, on one of the days when I was feeling that way, I turned to the Lord, opened my Bible, and this is what I read:
 
“We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thess 1:3 (NIV)
 
The three phrases I have made bold hit me right between the eyes. Here, Paul is writing to the Thessalonians to build them up and encourage them. But, these words are timeless, and just as much directed to us today - us wives and mothers in all our daily struggles and trails.
 
Think about this for a moment. Think about all the things you do in your life - all the facets of who you are. Ask yourself, WHY do you do these things? WHO are you working for? Is it for yourself, or for your husband, or because of other’s expectations? Or is it because of your faith in God - your faith that he put you right THERE, right where you are, to fulfill his specific plan and purpose for you life? If you can answer yes to that last question, then the work that you do is produced out of the faith that you have in your Father God!
 
My friend, God loves you, and has a specific plan and purpose for your life. You know that, right? But have you EMBRACED it!? Have you accepted that God’s plan may not be glamorous or public; it may not involve riches and acclaim here on earth. It very likely does involve hard work, sleepless nights, dirty jobs and thankless devotion. BUT, it is STILL part of God’s plan for YOU. If you are married, then God has called you to be a wife. If you have children, then he has called you to be a mother. What else has he called you to do? Check each aspect of what you do against whether God called you to do it, or you just took it on. If God has NOT called you to it, but you just took it on, then you might just have found the source of much of your frustration! But, if he DID call you to do it, then you can rest assured that he never calls us to anything, without enabling us to do it, and providing all that we need!
 
“Work produced by faith.” Is your work produced by faith? It can be! If you do something because you know God wants you to do it, and you believe he will help you, and that he watches over you and will reward you, then you’re doing it in and by faith. If you do something which God has called you to do, even though you have no idea HOW you’re going to do it, then you’re working by faith. If God has called you to homeschool, or to write books, or to reach out to someone, and you step out and do it, you are working by faith.
 
“Labor prompted by love.” Look at why you do things again - is it because of love? Your love for God, whom you serve, your love for your husband and your children, your love for other people? Let that love overflow into the things you do! Do things out of love, not grudgingly.
 
Labor. To me that means hard work! When someone says the word labor, what do you think of? Giving birth? Breaking rocks? Back-breaking work? Steady work, working long hours. Laboring. Working. For LOVE!
 
“Endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” Endurance. Not exactly a fun word, because it implies having to hang in there when the going gets tough. And it will get tough, at least at times. But we endure. Why? Because of our HOPE in Christ. What hope is that? The hope that he has gone before us and prepared the way. That he is coming again, and that he will take us to heaven to be with him. That he will reward us, that he watches over us, that he will never leave us or forsake us.
 
Faith, hope and love. What do they look like in the every day world in which we live? They look like this:
Work, Labor……Endurance!
 
When you have a tough day, remember these verses. Remember that your work is produced by faith, that your labor is prompted by love, and that your endurance is inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. And it is sooooo worth it in the end!
 
I’ve written 1 Thess 1:3 out, with the three phrases in a contrasting colour, and put them on the wall above my computer. Whenever I begin to hear those little voices telling me it’s not worth it, that I should just give up, I look up and read those words. I KNOW I am called to do what I do by God, and that my work is produced by faith, that my labor is prompted by the love God has placed in my heart for my husband, children, and all of you, and that I endure even when it’s tough, because I am inspired by hope in Jesus Christ. What about you?

As busy wives and mothers, we are constantly pouring out of ourselves to other people. We serve our husbands, our children, our extended family and friends. Some of us serve in churches or ministries, or in helping in the community. Some are involved in running homeschool support groups, or youth groups such as Scouts or Guides. All these things are wonderful, but all of them require something from us. They require our time, our energy, our thought and emotions,  our prayer and inspiration. We are giving out, giving out, all the time. In order to keep pouring out, we need to get filled back up, to refuel. If we don’t, we’ll soon find ourselves running on empty, and chronically running on empty leads to burn out.
 
Sometimes we feel guilty about taking the time to do things that are good or fun for US. We feel that we should be busy doing things for others, but we don’t feel right about doing things for us, fearing that maybe that is selfish.
 
Let me tell you, my friend, that doing things for ourselves is not about being selfish - it’s about doing what is absolutely VITAL if we are to continue ministering to others! Sure, it can develop into selfishness if we seek ONLY to do things for ourselves, but when approached as a part of a balanced lifestyle, it is a GOOD thing, a VITAL thing!
 
So, what are some ways to fill up your cup, to refresh yourself? Oh, there are so many things you can do! The main thing is that it must be something that relaxes you, that refreshes and renews you. Here are some suggestions:

• A deep bubble bath, perhaps with a good book, or some audios to listen to, or simply relaxing in the gentle light and aroma of scented candles
• An early night - regardless of all that is clamoring for your attention
• A long walk
• Sitting on the beach or in a park
• Cuddling up and watching a good movie with your sweetheart
• Having a shoulder and neck massage, or foot massage
• Getting your hair done
• Going for a swim
• Pulling aside for a few hours or even days, to rest, seek God, pray and plan
• Chatting with a friend over coffee while the kids play
• Going to browse in the library - ALONE!
• When I used to ride horses, there was nothing to “blow away the cobwebs” like a good gallop! My husband finds the same with riding his motorbike. Sometimes just being able to go (safely) fast, and let the wind stream through our hair and across our faces is the best therapy of all, whether it’s on a horse or bike, in a go-kart, on rollerskates, or just driving with the windows down!
• Singing and dancing in the rain
• Laughing! At funny jokes, a funny movie or book, or just being silly with your husband and kids, or a friend! Take time to laugh - it is like a medicine to your soul!
• A daily quiet time
• Taking a nap
• Curling up with a good book
• Going on a date with your husband
• Sitting in the sunshine
• Playing with your children
• Letting your kids play dress up with you - let them do your hair and put makeup on you, rub your feet and neck, and pamper you. Who cares if it’s not perfect? - it’s just wonderfully soothing to have someone minister to you in this way - you can return the favor another time. My little girls are excellent and shoulder and foot massages, and at brushing and playing with my hair. They get some personal time with me, and I get to relax and enjoy!
• Doing a puzzle, jigsaw or playing games or cards with your husband or children

I’m sure you can think of more ideas! Make a list of things you like to do, or would like to try, and then write them on your calendar. If you don’t PLAN to take time out, it will never “just happen”. Have small breaks during the day, reward yourself when you accomplish certain of your To-do’s, and plan weekly bigger treats and “time-outs”!
 
You’re not being lazy or selfish - you are actually serving those you love by taking care of you. If you burn out, then you won’t be able to be there for them. If you constantly run on nothing, you won’t be able to give them your best.
 
Even Jesus took time out to rest!

When I was a brand new homeschooler, the Lord blessed me enormously by having us go and live close to a group of families who were all seasoned homeschoolers. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have had a CLUE how to do this thing he had laid on my heart! We lived there for a couple of years, and formed many life-long friendships. We go back and visit every chance we get! Those dear people are still among our dearest friends.
 
However, during the time we lived there, there was a lot of very interesting information and teaching floating around on a variety of subjects. All of us strongly desired to be sold out for Jesus - to live a life the reflected God in every way. We did not want to be conformed to the world’s way of doing things, but to be transformed to God’s way of thinking. That sincere and ernest desire, though, made us somewhat vunerable to some ideas that really were nothing more than the thinking of man - red herrings that the devil used to distract us from what was really important. (By “red herring” I mean “something that draws attention away from the central issue; a diversion or distraction”). Most of us have long since realised that these issues that seemed so very important at the time, were really not that important after all, and we’ve moved on. Sadly though, there are some who did not see the truth, but who became enslaved to the bondage of the “traditions of man”.
 
What sort of ideas am I talking about? Oh, beloved, there are endless numbers of ideas and teachings out there that all could be labeled as red herrings! Many of them might be good ideas in and of themselves, but when taken to extremes, or preached as “gospel”, or the ONLY way for a Christian to live, there is a very real danger of them becoming bondage. Here’s a list of just some of these types of issues that come to mind:

• Woman must wear dresses or skirts - never pants.
• Woman must wear a head covering
• Christians must homeschool their children
• Father’s must lead the family in devotions every day
• REAL Christians live in the country and grow all their own food (homesteading)
• Good keepers at home make all the families food from scratch - no store-bought bread or pastry or what have you
• Homeschool moms should wear denim jumpers (ok, that one’s a little tongue-in-cheek! ;-))
• Sunday’s MUST be a day of rest
• Saturday is the REAL Sabbath
• Christmas and Easter shouldn’t be celebrated by Christians, because they are really heathen festivals
• Modern Christian music is from the devil
• Only such-and-such a version of the Bible is correct and therefore acceptable
• Christians must not date before marraige
• The husband must be the one to control and manage the finances
• Keepers at home don’t need time out - they should love to be surrounded by their children 24/7 and never need a break!
• You must tithe 10% of your income
• Boys must be circumcised
• Family planning of any kind is a sin, regardless of the circumstances
• God is the Great Physician, therefore Christians should never go to the doctor
• You must be water baptised in order to be saved.

Oh yes, I’ve heard ALL these and plenty more besides over the years. And usually they are explained and backed up by Bible verses and sound so RIGHT! So convincing! So holy!
 
Now, don’t get me wrong - I am not belittling anyone who adhers to any or all of these ideas! As I said before, each of them can be a good idea - it really comes down to a matter of the heart.
 
I think the real danger comes when we become convinced that any of these types of ideas is a MUST - a must not just for us, but for any other Christian - that this is the only right way of doing things. If we come to believe that, then many other Christians are not going to measure up to our standards, and we may become puffed up and proud. A tragic example of this is one family I know. The parents are both Christians. They have 6 children and they homeschool. She has listened to all these teachings over the years, and believed them. She has tried to do them all. Unfortunately, she also began to judge her husband, who wasn’t so convinced about all these things, and find him wanting. This man is a good, Christian man. He is hard working, kind and generous, and loves his wife and kids. But he is not super-spiritual, or very refined. He’s very much a “real” man. She has now kicked him out of their home and is taking him to court so she can get sole-custody of the children, because she is convinced that he is a bad influence on the children, due to what she sees as his lack of leadership and spiritual qualities. Meanwhile, she is nearing complete burnout or breakdown, because she is so under bondage to being a super-woman and doing everything perfectly, herself.
 
I have known of several other women over the years who have lost the plot. Women who had big ministries, large families, homeschooled, advocated all the keeper-at-home ideas, led the way in ideas like those above, and more besides. Mostly good ideas, kept in balance. But when they get out of balance, disaster looms. Two such ladies I know of, from different parts of the world, each with families of 10 children - the kinds of woman whom many looked up to and the last people on earth you would expect to turn their backs on it all - both of them suddenly abandoned their husbands and families and ran off with other men. They’ve given up everything they once believed in, and turned their backs on their families, their ministries, and their God. Why? Because the burden of living under the bondage they had taken on became too much. And unfortunately, instead of realising they had taken on a yoke of their own creation, and humbling themselves enough to allow God to help them to change, they simply threw in the towel and quit.
 
If you feel a leading or conviction about something, some issue that comes up, ask yourself this: is my “conviction” coming directly from God speaking to my heart and through his Word, or is it coming from the persuasive teachings of some person? If the latter is involved, please be very, very careful. That is not to say that God cannot use godly men and women to show us the way - he often does. Just be cautious about taking on board any teaching that involves you having to live a certain way or do a certain thing (or not do them, as the case may be).
 
In addition, consider whether your husband is in agreement with you. Women can be, on the one hand, much more spiritually sensitive than men, but on the other hand they are also much more easily lead into deception. (see 1 Tim 2:11-15) I think that is part of why God made men less intuitive than women - they may be slower sometimes to “see” deep truths, but they are also steadier and less prone to jumping aboard the latest fads and ideas. Husbands and wives balance each other. If God is really telling you to do something, and your husband does not agree, then obey your husband. God is perfectly capable, in his own time, of showing our husbands the truth, and will do so. He does not need us to convince our husbands or win them over to our own way of thinking with persuasive arguements!
 
Friends, don’t make life so complicated! God does not require us to follow a list of rules and do’s and don’ts. In fact, Jesus spoke out very strongly against the Pharisees and religious teachers of his day, who gave the people many rules and teachings to follow, saying: “They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. Everything they do is done for men to see…..Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear as people of righteousness but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.” Matt 23:4-5a, 27-28
 
I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t want to be a “white-washed tomb”! I don’t want to appear righteous on the outside, but inside harbor all sorts of foolishness and wrong thinking and sin. The problem with getting caught up in “good ideas” is that they often take our focus off the heart, and off God, and onto outward appearances and works.
 
Paul put it like this in his letter to the Colossians:
“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, truimphing over them by the cross.
   Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality however, is found in Christ. Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.
   Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”?These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
    Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” Col 2:13-3:4
 
In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about our eyes (focus), treasure (possesions), needs and heart. He tells us not to worry about what we will eat or wear, but to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be given to you as well.” He makes it clear where our focus is to be - on God himself, not on the things of this world. Beloved, if we will do that, if we will focus fully on God, and concentrate on knowing him and loving him and serving him, everything else will fall into place. In fact, most of it will simply fall away. As the song says, when you look full in the face of God, the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace. So many of the things we worry about and get worked up about, really don’t matter much at all. The things we should count as important are the basic tenents of our faith - that Jesus is the Son of God, that he died and rose again and paid for all our sins, and that he is alive and with the Father. That we can accept his death on our behalf, be forgiven, and recieve eternal life. That the Holy Spirit is given to us to teach us and lead us, and that God is working in our lives to make us more like Jesus, who is coming again. THESE things matter! These things we should be sure of, understand, and live out. With everything else, test it carefully, hold fast to what is good, and let the rest go!
 
If you and your husband feel a real conviction from God to follow a certain lifestyle or do a certain thing, then by all means do it, as one who obeys God, not man. But remember to keep in mind always that this conviction is for YOU and for NOW - there is no requirement for other believers to do as you do, and it is entirely possible that what God is leading you to do now will not be what he wants you do continue doing in 10 years time. Also, use Galatians 5:22-23 as a check - is this thing in your life producing the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control), or is it producing tension, arguements, jealousy, pride, selfish ambition, fits of rage, discord and so on? Anything that does not produce, or help to produce, the right fruit in your life is not of God and must go!
 
Gal 5:1 says “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.” Dear friends, do not allow yourselves to be burdened by the bondage of ideas and requirements preached by people. Stick only to what God himself leads you to do, and you will be free indeed.

Every one needs to have fun! And family’s need to have fun together! But in the daily rounds of life, it is so easy to get so busy that we never take the time to build precious memories with our children.

This is one of two things for which I will always be grateful to Flylady. In Flylady’s weekly schedule, she has Saturday down as “Family Fun Day” - a time to do something fun as a family. The thing that struck me most about this was that I saw that you don’t wait until you have your house under control and life running smoothly to do family fun; you make it a priority and do it anyway! I had been using all the work I *had* to do as an excuse not to do fun things with my family. I truly believed I couldn’t take time off until I was caught up.

Well guess what?? There will ALWAYS be things to do, urgent tasks to attend to, behind stuff to catch up on. But your children will not always be children; one day all too soon they will be grown and gone. And before that, they will be teenagers; more independent and self-reliant. If you want your teenagers to want to hang around with your family, then you had better have a family that is fun! No, you don’t have to turn your home into a circus, but you do need to have regular, fun, relationship and memory building times together. A regular family time and the precious memories you build will do a lot to bind your hearts together and to draw your older children back towards home.

Children also need something fun to look forward to. They need to know that life is not all work; that they can look forward to something each week. I suggest that you set aside either one day or one afternoon or evening each week to do something together as a family. It does not have to be costly, but try to vary the activities a bit.

Here is a list of suggestions for family fun. Look through it, and add your own. Decide what day of the week is best to have your regular Family Fun Time, and plan what you will do this week. Don’t allow anything to stand in the way; make this a priority. It’s one more way of showing your children that they are more important than all the things you have to do!

Fun Family Ideas

Pop a big bowl of popcorn and watch a fun movie together.
Get out all the board games and cards and have a night of games and fun and laughter.
Go for a relaxed walk somewhere new. Have icecream when you get home, or stop by the store and buy one each on the way back.
Gather up the kids, a blanket and some snacks and go visit a local park, beach or forest. Take along a ball or Frisbee and play with your children.
Play a round or two of mini-golf. Keep the score cards and see if you can improve your own scores the next time you play.
Have a beauty therapy session - get out the hand lotion and hair brushes etc and take turns rubbing each other’s feet, hands, necks etc, and doing each other’s hair.
Look up a list of children’s party games (three-legged races, egg and spoon race, musical chairs etc) and plan an afternoon of fun, silly games and special fun food “just because”.
Set up a “tent” in the living room with blankets and chairs, and all huddle inside. Read stories of pioneers and hunters and explorers.
Have an alphabet night. Pick a letter, and plan a menu that has everything beginning with that letter. Wear clothing according to the theme, and read poetry or stories that use alliteration with the same letter. For example, if you had a “P” night, everyone would wear purple or pink or pastel shades, you would eat pizza, popcorn, peanuts, pumpkin and parsley, and learn the tongue-twister “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers…….”
An alternative is a colour night. Wear a certain colour, eat food of that colour (or colour it with food colouring - have you ever eaten green potatoes or blue flapjacks??), and play games or do activities around the colour.
If you have teens, have a games night with activities geared towards them. Most teens love to compete, and like to get very physical. Find out what is fun for them, and make it happen.
Plan an outing to a museum, play, ice-skating rink or other special treat.
Have a “Mad Hatter’s Tea Party” - all dress in the silliest way you can think of, and sit down together to a tea party complete with teapot and treats.
What day (or part of a day) will you set aside for regular family fun? What ideas so you have for activities you can do together. Write your ideas and plans down, and mark them on the calendar. Don’t forget, if you don’t make specific plans, it just won’t happen!

The above article is excerpted from Goodbye Chaos, Hello Peace! Unit 2, available FREE by joining my Mailing List.